A lad lived in a desolate village where the wind howled and litter was always strewn. As he walked around his village there was naught but abandoned petrol stations and lots with concrete ruins and heavy chain link fencing. So one day he says to his parents, ‘Mum, Dad, I’m off to walk to world, for sure as sure there’s nothing for me here’. Well they were sad, but they were understanding, for certainly he told the truth, there was no life here for him. So his mum packs a bag of food for him and his dad gives him a swiss army knife and it was goodbye mum and dad.

So our lad walks and walks. His village is one long road in some strange flat fen. He walks past the single roomed school and hears no happy cheers of play. He walks past the Wesleyan chapel and hears no hymns of praise, he walks past the small library and sees only one blind man who cannot even gain entry to the building. Our lad stops and watches the old fellow. The blind man wanders this way and that, he taps on the library door, he taps on a nearby statue (of a young child reading a book as it happens) and he shouts something our lad cannot make out. So though the lad wanted to leave the village, he was good by nature and went to see if he could help the old man.

‘Hi hi, old man’ says the lad ‘What’s to do? ‘Who’s there?’ says the old man ‘Just a lad’ says the lad ‘And do you have a name my lad?’ says the old man ‘That I do old man, folks may call me Alex’ ‘Well Alex, I’m in a bother here, for the library is closed and I must retrieve a book.’ ‘Well now let’s see’ says Alex. He wanders round the library, rattling this door, rattling that door. Will they open? They will not. ‘The doors are locked.’ says Alex ‘But I’ll not let that stop us!’ and Alex gives a kick and the flimsy library door breaks at the lock and flies inwards. ‘What have you done?’ says the blind man ‘See for yourself!’ says the lad, reflecting uneasily on his choice of words. But the old man sees the sense of the lads meaning, and it’s tap tap tap with the stick towards the door and oho, isn’t our old man smiling now as he taps his way into the building.

It seems now the old man is more lively and sense filled than before, for he’s rummaging this way and that as if he knows how and what to look for. Books fly here, papers fly there, desks are turned over and offices opened. The lad looks on with some concern, wondering if he’s done the right thing here. Then it’s ‘Over here lad! Over here!’ So the lad goes over and what does he see. The old man has found an old wooden box carved with hideous symbols engraved upon it. ‘Give the lock a crack with this hammer Alex, for I daresn’t touch the box myself.’ The old man passes Alex a hammer and he gives the lock a sharp whack. Does the lock yield? It does not! Again. Still the box is firm. Once more! Yes he has it! The evil looking box lock is broken. ‘Open it! open it ‘ gasps the blind old man. So Alex opens the box. Inside is a plush green satin lining with a small, very old looking, black leather bound book. ‘Pass it to me!’ urges the old man ‘Pass me the book!’ So Alex hands the book to the old man, who grasps it with considerable fervour. ‘You’re a good lad Alex.’ says the old man. Then, reaching in his pocket he brings out a silver penny and gives it to the lad. ‘Alex, if you come across a troll, give him this penny and say ‘the old man recommends you for any work you might have’ and he’ll do right by you.’

With these words, the old man, book and all faded into a mist before the lad’s eyes.


Attempting to leave the disabled toilet seemed harder than it should have been. As she washed her hands, the light flickered obscenely on and off through multiple mauve hues. The drone of the pipes continued its mantra like an obese siren of the walls. Despite this sensory assault, she attempted to move towards the door. The door seemed to have become was a metal monolith, its surface cold and unforgiving. Her fingers fumbled with the handle, a useless appendage in this claustrophobic tomb of porcelain and steel. With a final, desperate heave, she pushed, and the world outside rushed in.

She was out on the library floor once more. The books, the shelves, the empty computer stations. All as it was and quite quite silent; where had she been? A solitary student at his laptop, half hidden on a single desk behind shelves, peered up at her momentarily, curious as to why she lingered so long and lost looking at the restroom entrance. Aware of her awkward moment, she smoothed her dress and then, unable to resist, turned round, opened the heavy door of the disabled toilet, and peered back in. All looked normal. Even the pipe drone sounded normal now. She breathed out, made a note on her phone and headed up to check the same cubicle on the next floor up.

This cubicle seemed identical, a sterile white box with a single, unforgiving window high on the wall. Sunlight filtered through, casting a sterile glow on the porcelain. There was no drone, no flicker. Just the hum of fluorescent lights and the soft rustle of pages turning. A sense of unease crept over her. Had she imagined the other? But why could she hear pages turning from within the cubicle? Mind beginning to race she suddenly also wondered: where did the sunlight come from? Why was there a fucking window here? How did she so blindly accept its presence? The disabled toilet was deep in the middle of the building far from any external wall. Exhilarated and terrified at the dreamlike impossibility of it, she went to the window and peered out.

There was no window. The sunlight was a blinding, ethereal glow, emanating from within the cubicle itself. It pulsed and shimmered, casting grotesque mauve shadows on the walls. A cold dread seized her. This was the same restroom that she had failed to exit. She stumbled backward, her heart pounding in her ears. A voice, distant yet clear, whispered in the darkness beyond the light.

Then her phone fell to the floor, to be picked up later by security.

Listen to Shuffle Up (Lyrics Below)

I’ve been walking these city streets and these feet keep creeping up on me,
Well it seems in main I can’t complain, I never knew if I was bored or strange,
Can’t cry but can’t just ignore, that tap tap tappin’ knockin’ at my door,
Or pavement, street or shopping mall, here it comes again and it seems to call…

Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha
What you say don’t matter today,
Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha,
I’m just takin’ a break, once more…

Mind those boots in steady beat,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,
Mind those holy holy feet,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,

So now in walking round town my ears are filled with that strolling sound,
And some times too out of the corner of my eye, a rustling coat and mumbled cry,
What’s that? I hear you say, well it sure beats me but it’s here to stay,
For so it seems now every day, it’s misery in that marching way…

Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha
What you say don’t matter today,
Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha,
I’m just takin’ a break, once more…

Mind those boots in steady beat,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,
Mind those holy holy feet,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,
Leather could make you stop dead,
On your way and all attention pay,

So now these days are cold, I feel so weak from growing old,
Well my knees do creak through every week, my insides hurt from my imbibing streak,
Like rats that move discrete, akin to cats but with bigger feet,
As enigmas go it’s quite the show, ever present sure but slow…

Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha
What you say don’t matter today,
Katcha koo, katcha koo, katcha,
We’re going to katcha katcha,
I’m just takin’ a break, once more…

Mind those boots in steady beat,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,
Mind those holy holy feet,
Shuffle up, shuffle up, shuffle up,
Climb into the tumble dryer,
Stay there ’til it’s much safer outside,
On your way and all attention pay,

And in truth your souls defeat,
Shuffle up, Shuffle up, Shuffle up,
Lines the tombs of ancient Crete,
Shuffle up, Shuffle up, Shuffle up,
Climb into the tumble dryer,
Stay there ’til it’s much safer outside,
Climb into the tumble dryer baby,
Stay there ’til it’s much safer outside…